Talking lads:.
- Count up, Grandma came yesterday.
- Your?.
- No, the left.
- And what?.
- Looking for work.
- We?!.
- Well.
- What?.
- She said - killer.
- Yes you human?.
- Yeah. Specific Grandma. All in black.
- This, I suppose. suicide bomber?.
- Do not. no accent.
- And what?.
- Turley - may overwhelm any.
- Joke or what?.
- Not specific market.
- A human right - killer?.
- Well, he says, while heavy. need to spin.
- Tochnyak, it is necessary. So it is - cool?.
- Dead does. Persons who do not.
- I had to give the order for fun -.
- I, and then otmazatsya.
- And what?.
- Yes, it came with an oblique. FIG should communicate -with collective farmers.
Somali pirates seize ship with members of the House -2. We beg, pay them these meager 2 million euros. OTHERWISE THEY RELEASE THEM!.
- Sick, I once again carefully reviewed your chest x-rays and realized that there was a terrible mistake.
- Is the cancer, the doctor? .
- Worse, the patient is much worse.
- Oh, God!.
The patient faints.
- You live at the address, which is served by another clinic!.
- Doctor, I always think someone is following me!.
- Hmm? . How long?.
- How to run away from prison, since the.
- Girls, do you have sex with strange men?.
- NO!.
- Then I have to introduce myself - Vova!.
There is a meeting in a public house. On the agenda the question: why is a muddled, which take on the 1st floor, customers come back always to those who take on the 2nd floor - sometimes, but to those on the 3rd, never return.
The investigation revealed that:.
- On the 1st floor of a simple working woman, the former hairdresser, shop assistant: Well, the man did not work - and well, though drunk,.
chatted....
- On the 2nd floor of the working -educated ladies, who were psychologists: Well, did not work this time, let's discuss why, maybe next time will....
- On the 3rd floor are former primary school teacher: ...
Little family sitting at the table, dinner. The son reluctantly picking at the plate with a fork. Father:.
- Eat! .
wife:.
- What do you teach a child? .
Sitting at home with daughter and mother-in -law. Mother in law says:.
- All have well-. And we live in prosperity,.
and do not swear, that's just not whitewashed cottage.
daughter-in:.
- What are the problems, mother? .
- There is just no brush.
Daughter-in -law ran to, obstrigla his beard, took a brush and whitewashed cottage.
Mother-in again:.
- Here, whitewashed cottage, and the windows are not painted.
- What are the problems, mother? .
- Yes it is, just do not brush.
Daughter-in -law ran to, and cut off his mustache, took a brush and painted the windows.
evening. Her husband returns home from work.
He looks - his father is sitting in a tree.
- Dad! .
- Yes, my son came home the women bake pancakes. So I did not know they have,.
no eggs or.
The new Law on Police. Planning session with Major General.
' Hello, Nerds '.
Whispers: ' Why? '.
General: ' Smart had gone away, fools - was fired '.
Traffic cop stops a car, breaching traffic rules.
- Do you see - someone stop the inspector? .
- Oh, pardon humbly, Nikita Sergeyevich! .
- So be it - take it. But this is the last time!.
Policeman slips director blank form to describe the procedures for traffic violations, the signs and leaves. Policeman rubbing his hands:.
- And now the movie will begin!.
TYPES OF ORGASM.
Asthma: A. and.
Geography: here, here.
Math: More, more!.
Sports: Quick! .
Research: Glu -y- ubzhe.
Animal - woman grabs nails into his back and slurred growl.
Agronomy: Ambush more!.
Positive: 0 yes!.
Negative: 0!. no. Oh!. no.
Religious: Oh my God!.
Insane - the woman pulled out a wild scream: ...
Suicide: I'm going to die!.
Crime: You're killing me.
Menacing: If you stop, I 'll kill you! . ).
Incestuous: Oh, Mom.
Virtual: Maria [ I am finishing 223956e.
Medical Institute. A voice from the back row:.
- Professor, what is a hemorrhoid?.
- Young man, you ever hurt your teeth? . Now imagine a full f. ny patients with teeth!.
Two friends:.
- I tried to adjust the TV set itself.
- Got it?.
- Well, as you say. I think I pitted it against you!.
The wife files for divorce.
- And what is your reason for divorce? .
- It makes me have everything I cook it.
- You coffee with milk, no?.
- In.
- What?.
- C!.
- I do not understand.
- CCC... with a bitch, with milk!.
- Dad, why do not crocodiles in Siberia?.
- Hungry in Siberia!.
- Do you think they would not have found there to eat that?.
- I think there is anyone they ate.
In a democracy, to call a man a criminal court can only!.
Especially if that person is innocent.
Dad, already knew that women have a clitoris?.
- Well, before my son, of course, such knowledge was not.
- And what?.
- But how - how? .
- Doctor, my gut is not working.
- What ails you?.
- Lots of fart, a little cocoa.
- Taki to complain about? .
Due to the positive experience of building innovation center in Skolkovo decided to begin construction next to the following two points - and Raspilkovo Vorovalkovo. Construction of another similar center - Kryshevalkovo - currently under consideration in the Interior Ministry and Prosecutor General's Office.
The teacher gave the students a task to come up with a quatrain. Little Johnny:.
- Can I Pigweed Ivanna?.
- Please Vovochka.
Little Johnny 's recites a quatrain:.
- Mary went to the disco.
And pleased with the bridge into the river,.
As she looked at the stars,.
And dipped his knees.
The teacher:.
- Little Johnny, why at the end of your quatrains, there is no rhyme?.
- So after all was fine.
Student returns to the dorm after the exam. Type of content.
- Well, surrendered? .
- No, but the professor had compared me to the famous French nobleman.
- D'Artagnan or what?.
- No, but it also begins with De.
I remember that he is the owner of Microsoft.
- Bill Geytts? .
- Well, how do. The professor directly and said, you are responsible Doe, as the present De Bill.
- Mom, why are so dirty on the stove?.
- Dad fried eggs.
- No frying pan?.
They sit three disabled: blind American, deaf Frenchman and one-legged Russian. Suddenly shone around, and Jesus appeared to them. And he said to an American:.
- Because you were a saint, I will spare you from suffering!.
And he received his sight, and began to praise the strength of the Lord. And Jesus said to the Frenchman:.
- You, too, was a model and my son! .
And he has found his voice and began to hear, and he rejoiced and began to praise the strength of the Lord.
He turns to the Russian God, and he roared like:.
- Do not touch me! .
Now read the advertisement of a site:.
' CATHERINE, 35y.o. online sex dating '.
Che, it seems, put a comma is not there.
The Pope 's Daughter said:.
- My daughter, I'm going pomoyus.
daughter:.
- Okay, just a better wash his neck, and then I have to sit on it.
The eldest daughter, when she was 3-4 years, sitting on the couch and enthusiastically picking his nose. Seeing such an outrage, I remembered an old anecdote, strictly speaking it:.
- Do not do that - the brains scratch!.
She slowly, pulls his finger out of his nostrils, carefully studying it, and I gravely broadcasts:.
- Careful not to scratch - I have short nails!.
- How to identify the fungus on the grapes?.
- Try to cook. If you get the soup, it's a mushroom compote, if - the berry.
- A miracle! .
- What a miracle, then?.
- So in fact we do not have the village blacksmith, a.
- Why did the Soviet Union all the girls were jumping on the elastic band, and now not?.
- Because now it sounds obscene.
A friend - a friend:.
- And what did you feel after you have parted with it?.
- As if 10 rubles had lost. It seems a pity, but somehow do not care.
A friend - a friend:.
- Why did you leave her husband at home alone? .
- Yes, I want to defrost a refrigerator, it is necessary to have someone all podel.
Russia presented at an exhibition in Tokyo, new nanotechnology. It has long been the Japanese do not laugh, Tokyo circus on the verge of ruin.
People learn that officials may accept bribes, paying when caught, the penalty, went to meetings with the requirement to allow ordinary citizens to steal in the stores under the same conditions.
Men gathered to drink. They say one thing:.
- Pour!.
The man answers:.
- I can not - his hands were shaking!.
Those again:.
- Sausages seldom.
The man answers:.
- I can not - his hands are shaking.
Furious men:.
- What do you do you?.
- Ambassador!.
Pinocchio comes to class with a stump in his hand:.
- Parents of the school called?.
- When did you s'y deuce in math?.
- I do not know, Mom! .
The guy says to his girlfriend:.
- Yesterday I met your mother.
- Well, and how?.
- Do not worry, I'll still love you!.
Gibddshnik catching the car and ordered to stay:.
- Why do not you stop when I whistled to you?.
- But I did not hear the whistle!.
- It 's because you have exceeded the speed of sound! .
- Do not tell me how to get to the Society of the Deaf?.
- A?.
Directed by the young actor says fiercely:.
- How much can you say? .
There are two men in another world, another one says:.
- How are you dead?.
- Has fallen from 9 floor, and you?.
- I had to watch where you fall!.
Two old ladies talk:.
- To you, they say, grandson arrived?.
- Yes, a week staying uzho.
- Well, as my grandfather helps?.
- Helps. Yesterday I drank with my grandfather retired.
- The victim, you can remember the attackers distinguishing marks?.
- Can. In a fractured skull, the other two broken ribs and kidneys were repulsed.
- Tell me about yourself.
- I am a fool.
- I like to keep.
Regular pension reform has not brought results - the number of.
pensioners in the country is still very high.
Strong desire to get the mother of many children from the state free.
apartment has forced this woman to live to 137 years.
The Forum.
- You're an asshole of assholes - the most important mudila. Got it!.
- By your tone I understand that you still consider yourself a more important.
Sales Manager - this is not the seller, and the clerk, who.
asks visitors: ...
came just to warm up.
Threatens the chief secretary:.
- If you do not raise wages, I begin to write memoirs.
Money saturated aroma of happiness that is identical to the natural.
Today, the profession of secretary in modern schoolgirls on the degree of.
prestige is second only to monetary prostitutes.
Judging by the results of our science is aynanetehnologiyami.
Junior four- tries unsuccessfully to crawl over the bed. next.
flops on the abdomen of three senior:.
- Look, a worm crawling like these boas!.
The family went to the village to stay with relatives. There's the cat's little kittens.
The four- town guests took the patronage over them.
In the evening runs into the house and shouted anxiously from the doorway:.
- Daddy, there is a cat the whole snout smeared in milk! .
dirty will go?.
Her husband, lazily:.
- His mom lick.
daughter:.
- Mom, vylizhesh?.
telephone call.
- Well, where are you?.
- All- all drove up already!.
- You know, I'm actually calling you at home.
The father teaches the young D'Artagnan, before sending him to Paris:.
- Finally Remember: if a horse is shod, if a woman, then fuck.
And not the other way - like last time!.
Every profession has its own signs. For example, machinists metro consider.
what if the tunnel will meet a woman in white - it's a bad omen, and.
If you see a rat in a gray - good. So the underground works.
in normal.
Man comes to the witch:.
- Help, hiccups tortured, appealed to all doctors - no help.
can!.
- Okay. Repeat after me: ... '.
- You know, the thing is that I am Fedot!.
Some show-business stars are famous only because they are famous.
Why women are so eager to get married? .
to do with myself.
Three stages of the risk of violating the principle of ...
a. You get up - will be put.
2. Sit down - put.
3. You lie - trample.
- Imagine, Sarah Abramovna, my husband became impotent.
- What is higher than the State Counselor of Justice?.
The Japanese have created a high-tech artificial woman.
maintenance of astronauts to the ISS. But the launch of its orbit has been postponed - at.
it in the body discovered twitter.
Multiplies the good loot.
Who will be celebrating New Year's Peter Ivanov? . With his wife and two.
children. Just not yet chosen, with whose wife and whose children!.
The first supported the initiative of the Prime Minister, Dr.. A. Medvedev.
transferred to the coffers homeland 100 iPhones.
